All weekend long I’ve been having this internal battle. What change do I need to make around my addiction to sugar?
Before we jump in, two things: 1. majority of my readers may not find this topic relatable, but we all have something we’re trying to work on & it’s best to be vulnerable, honest & talk (or write) about it! 2. I do go to therapy & have a lot of support from friends/family with this!
So, why are we here? Because sugar is my kryptonite.
It has held a ridiculous amount of power over me since I was was young. Traumas (big or small) cause negative emotions. When I was young, having sweets to distract from my negative emotions seemed harmless; but as I got older this coping mechanism became addictive. It’s in my head constantly; begging me to sabotage my goals and aspirations. Even if it’s the food that’s made my life unmanageable, I still go straight to it for comfort.
I guess that’s the tricky thing about addiction, it’s not as simple as just “kicking a habit” or “making a lifestyle change.”
I’ve been yo-yoing with my addiction for years. I’ve gotten very angry at the idea that I will always have to work at this. I want so badly to be “normal”, to be able to have a fun weekend where I could eat, drink, and do whatever I want without thinking twice.
However, that’s just not an option for me. In order for me to be my best, most authentic, quirky, funny, confident self; I need to consult my inner wisdom/higher self when making decisions.
And when I really dug deep today, I received an answer that surprised me:
I need to be abstinent from sugar.
I learned a while back there are two types of people: moderators and abstainers. I’ve tried to live civilly with sugar for 20+ years, attempting to have it in moderation. But it’s time to walk away. It only takes one bite for me to fall down the spiral. One bite is too many and 10 is not enough.
When it comes to sugar, I have to abstain. The way alcoholics avoid alcohol & the way drug addicts avoid drugs.
I’m at the point of my life where this is not about restriction, depravation or hating my life because I can never have ice cream again.
When I’m not eating sugar, all of the food chatter is eliminated & I’m so much less stressed. It also gives me a chance to recognize the negative emotions, allow myself to feel them & deal with them in healthy ways.
I may try to moderate again one day, but it’s possible that I’ll need to eat this way for a long time in order to not have all the stress that comes with trying to moderate. And for me this is worth it, even if I’m annoyed that I can’t eat like a normal person.
Change is really hard. Overcoming anything that has a hold on you is really hard.
I cannot go back to my old ways. I deserve to be happy, I deserve healing & I deserve living the rest of my life filled with happiness.