I just looked back at my June Intentions post & was reminded this was my ‘What Will Be, Will Be’ month. Funny enough, when I was at yoga class this morning & the instructor had us align our exhale breath with the word ‘SURRENDER.’
Unconsciously, my thoughts zap & zapped to negativity – ‘surrender? that would be quitting’ – I heard. As if she read my mind, the instructor continued to say ‘Surrender is not negative. You are not quitting. You are simply relinquishing control, letting go, and moving in the direction in which you’re compelled to go (notice how that applies to yoga & life.)
Continuing from above, in June I did just that. I felt as though I surrendered & I lived the ‘What Will Be, Will Be’ mentality. I didn’t necessarily get everything I want or complete every intention; but I approached situations with a lightness I haven’t before. I didn’t carry around the same obsessive thoughts about my looks or what was going to happen with my job applications or if I would be asked a million questions about why I’m not dating by family. I kinda sorta shrugged it off and understood that – if it happens, it happens & I deal with it. And if it doesn’t, that’s good too. But there’s no significance of getting myself anxious and riled up about something, when I can’t control the end result.
I need to continue yoga. I have a blog post on this coming & touched on it a little in my June goal post after I went to a 3-Week beginner’s workshop, then bought a 2-Month unlimited package. I can happily say I’ve been going around 4 times a week since June 2nd. I can’t believe it, I absolutely love it. It’s challenging, but calm. I’ve never felt more in my own body than I have in that room. I leave the studio in this amazing high where I just feel gratitude for my body, ability to move, and willingness to try new things.
I want to start dating, but I’m terrified. That’s basically it. And I don’t know what I’m scared of – is it rejection? Embarrassment? Do I just not want to put in the effort? Every time I get on Bumble or Hinge, I scroll, I swipe right, and at the change I do match with someone – I never write to them. And if they like me – I make excuses that they’re ‘not my type.’ This one I have to think about a little more. But I feel like it’s something I can’t just ignore.
Relax: I have a lot going on this month (work, family, budgeting, planning), but not an insane crazy social calendar. I think I want to keep it as light as possible and take this month to just let this feeling of goodness, balance & just tranquility soak in. I missed this so much, and I don’t want to jump out in to the world 110% and sign up for any & everything. As I said last month, I want to take small steps. And I know the only way I’m going to progressively succeed & grow is if I take advantage of my alone time to relax.
Learn from your Experiences. In July I have a few new solo experiences that I want to be really present for and make sure to using them as learning experiences. I am continuing yoga, I am still in the job search, and I am going to my first therapy session with a new psychologist specialized in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (if you guys are interested, can definitely write a post on what it is & what I learn.) Anyway, whether it’s an unsuccessful interview, hard yoga class, or awkward session – I want to learn, observe & be curious; rather than be anxious or judge myself.
I can’t believe we’re in in the latter half of 2019. It’s kind of crazy. I always come back to my main goal & purpose of this year is to rediscover my light & spark I felt was lost. To discover who I am & what brings me joy. So far, it’s a more simplified life, with more time to grow, connect and focus on the important values in my life.
Have you learned anything new about yourself in this first half of 2019?
Illustrations by Vivienne Flesher & Naomi Lee