There was a moment this weekend where something clicked and I discovered a deeply ingrained belief from my childhood that’s been holding me back in my adult-life.
I have a deeply ingrained belief that I (and only I) control of how my life unfolds.
This belief is especially evident when I run into obstacles. I approach them from a very rational, black & white mindset. If I plan, structure, and execute perfectly; the future will be good. However, if I mess up, slack, or get lazy; the future will be bad. Of course, this results in constant pressure and vulnerable moments that provoke self-judgement and negative talk.
This ingrained belief I grew up believing has now become a limited belief. What protected me as a child, is now holding me back from reaching my potential and achieving my goals.
My mind and soul tend to push away feelings such as Hope, Trust, & Faith. From childhood, I’ve never had a desire to associate myself with religion. While I don’t regret my choice, I do feel as through I yearn for the belief that there’s a power that holds more control and influence than solely myself.
This weekend I felt an intense urge to believe in this power, let go of control, and stop blaming myself. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now (duh, I’m a twenty-something) but I’m trying hard to have more faith that it will all work out as it should.
Last week, I found myself quitting goals too early because I was looking at how far I still have to go and not how far I’d already come. Now is the time for a new mindset, time to be kinder to myself, and have some faith all will be okay.